Some day this is all going to be very funny – today is not
that day. It has been Murphy’s Law
from the time I opened my eyes and ears to a noisy blackbird at 4:30 a.m. Blocking out his obnoxious sounds with
a pillow over my head, the next noise I heard was the DJ saying it was 6:18 –
nearly an hour later than my usual rise and shine! Oh, God, please let this be a good hair day. It isn’t……will anyone notice that my
panythose have a hole above the knee?
Not if I wear a long skirt…..is that the ONLY thing that didn’t get
ironed…..shall I go back in and get my raincoat?….nah-h-h-h, it’s stopped –
should be ok. Half a mile down the
road….please tell me that it’s just a heavy mist on my windshield…..uh oh, my badge –
where is my badge? In my purse of
course…it’s always in my purse…..except when I put it in the pocket of the
slacks I wore yesterday. No
problem – get a visitor badge – fill out the form – what do you mean you don’t
know me? What do you mean you have
to call security?! Well, guess
what – I don’t know you either – where’s the other guy? Well, if you don’t know my name does
that mean I don’t need to be here?……ok so you don't appreciate my humor...neither do I about now…..is it
significant that MY system has shut down three times before 10:00 a.m.? What’s with all these weird calls and
requests? Is there a
conspiracy?…..ok….take a breath – take a break – go out for lunch – run some errands
– head for the elevator – uh, oh…starting to rain….no, stay in…..get some lunch
here…..no cash…..get some cash….ATM is down….better yet – go to the gym and use
the treadmill…..what a surprise, says she sarcastically; visitor badges don’t open the gym door….ok, get some popcorn
and go back to work….why is THIS the day the cafeteria closes early? No prob – get some from the vending
machine and put in the microwave….costs 75 cents and I have 87. God is good. How long do you pop this stuff? Says 2-5 minutes – I’ll do 3 1/2. Oh, hey, there’s Rebecca! How in the world are you and what’s new in your world, blah,
blah blah….what’s that peutrid smell…..burned popcorn….really, really burned
popcorn. Plan B – I have a can of
pop and three stale graham crackers in my desk. Remove it carefully from the desk drawer so it doesn’t fizz
or anything – too late; what lovely brown spots – not on my lap or the carpet
but on my white top…in the front…in the middle. Grab a napkin and dab it with some water from my bottle …..what’s the
red?!? Lipstick from your water
bottle…red and brown and white do not a pretty color make. Will I be too warm if I put on my
sweater to hide it? No choice…I’ll
just turn on my little battery operated desk fan…..the one whose batteries are
dead and the only person who has them under lock and key is out all week for a
funeral. Somehow I think she has
had the better day…..need to run; I’m going to be late for a haircut…..thinking maybe
I should reschedule.Sunday, December 2, 2012
Cheer Up - It Could be Worse...
So I cheered up and sure enough...it got worse...
Some day this is all going to be very funny – today is not
that day. It has been Murphy’s Law
from the time I opened my eyes and ears to a noisy blackbird at 4:30 a.m. Blocking out his obnoxious sounds with
a pillow over my head, the next noise I heard was the DJ saying it was 6:18 –
nearly an hour later than my usual rise and shine! Oh, God, please let this be a good hair day. It isn’t……will anyone notice that my
panythose have a hole above the knee?
Not if I wear a long skirt…..is that the ONLY thing that didn’t get
ironed…..shall I go back in and get my raincoat?….nah-h-h-h, it’s stopped –
should be ok. Half a mile down the
road….please tell me that it’s just a heavy mist on my windshield…..uh oh, my badge –
where is my badge? In my purse of
course…it’s always in my purse…..except when I put it in the pocket of the
slacks I wore yesterday. No
problem – get a visitor badge – fill out the form – what do you mean you don’t
know me? What do you mean you have
to call security?! Well, guess
what – I don’t know you either – where’s the other guy? Well, if you don’t know my name does
that mean I don’t need to be here?……ok so you don't appreciate my humor...neither do I about now…..is it
significant that MY system has shut down three times before 10:00 a.m.? What’s with all these weird calls and
requests? Is there a
conspiracy?…..ok….take a breath – take a break – go out for lunch – run some errands
– head for the elevator – uh, oh…starting to rain….no, stay in…..get some lunch
here…..no cash…..get some cash….ATM is down….better yet – go to the gym and use
the treadmill…..what a surprise, says she sarcastically; visitor badges don’t open the gym door….ok, get some popcorn
and go back to work….why is THIS the day the cafeteria closes early? No prob – get some from the vending
machine and put in the microwave….costs 75 cents and I have 87. God is good. How long do you pop this stuff? Says 2-5 minutes – I’ll do 3 1/2. Oh, hey, there’s Rebecca! How in the world are you and what’s new in your world, blah,
blah blah….what’s that peutrid smell…..burned popcorn….really, really burned
popcorn. Plan B – I have a can of
pop and three stale graham crackers in my desk. Remove it carefully from the desk drawer so it doesn’t fizz
or anything – too late; what lovely brown spots – not on my lap or the carpet
but on my white top…in the front…in the middle. Grab a napkin and dab it with some water from my bottle …..what’s the
red?!? Lipstick from your water
bottle…red and brown and white do not a pretty color make. Will I be too warm if I put on my
sweater to hide it? No choice…I’ll
just turn on my little battery operated desk fan…..the one whose batteries are
dead and the only person who has them under lock and key is out all week for a
funeral. Somehow I think she has
had the better day…..need to run; I’m going to be late for a haircut…..thinking maybe
I should reschedule.
Some day this is all going to be very funny – today is not
that day. It has been Murphy’s Law
from the time I opened my eyes and ears to a noisy blackbird at 4:30 a.m. Blocking out his obnoxious sounds with
a pillow over my head, the next noise I heard was the DJ saying it was 6:18 –
nearly an hour later than my usual rise and shine! Oh, God, please let this be a good hair day. It isn’t……will anyone notice that my
panythose have a hole above the knee?
Not if I wear a long skirt…..is that the ONLY thing that didn’t get
ironed…..shall I go back in and get my raincoat?….nah-h-h-h, it’s stopped –
should be ok. Half a mile down the
road….please tell me that it’s just a heavy mist on my windshield…..uh oh, my badge –
where is my badge? In my purse of
course…it’s always in my purse…..except when I put it in the pocket of the
slacks I wore yesterday. No
problem – get a visitor badge – fill out the form – what do you mean you don’t
know me? What do you mean you have
to call security?! Well, guess
what – I don’t know you either – where’s the other guy? Well, if you don’t know my name does
that mean I don’t need to be here?……ok so you don't appreciate my humor...neither do I about now…..is it
significant that MY system has shut down three times before 10:00 a.m.? What’s with all these weird calls and
requests? Is there a
conspiracy?…..ok….take a breath – take a break – go out for lunch – run some errands
– head for the elevator – uh, oh…starting to rain….no, stay in…..get some lunch
here…..no cash…..get some cash….ATM is down….better yet – go to the gym and use
the treadmill…..what a surprise, says she sarcastically; visitor badges don’t open the gym door….ok, get some popcorn
and go back to work….why is THIS the day the cafeteria closes early? No prob – get some from the vending
machine and put in the microwave….costs 75 cents and I have 87. God is good. How long do you pop this stuff? Says 2-5 minutes – I’ll do 3 1/2. Oh, hey, there’s Rebecca! How in the world are you and what’s new in your world, blah,
blah blah….what’s that peutrid smell…..burned popcorn….really, really burned
popcorn. Plan B – I have a can of
pop and three stale graham crackers in my desk. Remove it carefully from the desk drawer so it doesn’t fizz
or anything – too late; what lovely brown spots – not on my lap or the carpet
but on my white top…in the front…in the middle. Grab a napkin and dab it with some water from my bottle …..what’s the
red?!? Lipstick from your water
bottle…red and brown and white do not a pretty color make. Will I be too warm if I put on my
sweater to hide it? No choice…I’ll
just turn on my little battery operated desk fan…..the one whose batteries are
dead and the only person who has them under lock and key is out all week for a
funeral. Somehow I think she has
had the better day…..need to run; I’m going to be late for a haircut…..thinking maybe
I should reschedule.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh MY! I feel like I have lived that day a few times....I wasn't smiling as I lived through it - but you had me chuckling as I read. keep your humor Mother = its what keeps your head above water. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right Karrie! That's why I said that someday this is all going to be very funny - today is not that day. :-))
ReplyDelete